You want to try getting kinky and wild, so you want to know how to ask someone to have a threesome. Here are some ways to do it and general guidelines.
If you’re looking to spice things up in the bedroom, why not consider inviting another person into your intimate activities?
This can be a great way to explore new sexual experiences and try out some fantasies that you might not have been able to fulfill on your own. Of course, asking someone to join you for a threesome can seem like a daunting task, especially if you’ve never done it before.
If you’ve never had a threesome, you don’t know what you’re missing. Anything one person can do, two people can do better. That’s what teamwork is all about. Think about how great one mouth can make you feel, now imagine another pair of lips thrown into the mix. But how exactly do you ask someone for a threesome?
But how to get there… Your bedroom is an intimate space. Unless you’re having regular threesomes, in which case you don’t need any advice, your bed normally has a maximum capacity of two. Extending an invitation can be extremely awkward for everyone involved. But that doesn’t mean it’s not worth it. [Read: 20 things you need to know about threesomes]
Have you discussed a threesome with your partner?
Firstly, start by having an open conversation with your partner about your desires and fantasies.
This will help both of you feel more comfortable when broaching the subject with potential partners down the line.
It may be your fantasy to sleep with someone else along with your partner, but does this fantasy excite your partner as well?
There are two ways to initiate this discussion with your lover.
1. Have a real talk
Sometimes when you’re both sitting down with each other and wither watching a movie *about threesomes* or just lazing on a lazy Sunday evening, just bring the conversation up and ask your partner if they’d be interested.
As long as you believe your partner won’t find this conversation offending, you can go right ahead and ask them. [Read: How to talk about sex without sounding like a pervert]
2. Talk about it while having sex
Another great way to talk about inviting someone for a threesome is when you’re actually having sex with your partner. Both of you would be totally aroused and open to pushing the boundaries of normal sex when you’re already having sex.
Start by dirty talking about a scenario like a club or when you’re out with friends. And somewhere along the line, just bring up the idea of having a threesome and see if that excites your partner.
If it does, chances are, your partner would like the idea of a threesome as well, even if they’re too awkward to talk about it openly just yet. [Read: How to talk dirty in bed and the best dirty talk examples]
Once you get to this stage, it would be easier to discuss a real-life threesome at any point.
Are both of you equally interested in a threesome?
Many couples fantasize about the idea of having a threesome, but few know how to broach the topic with their partner.
If you’re interested in exploring this fantasy with your partner, there are a few things you can do to make the discussion go smoothly. First, make sure you’re both on the same page about what kind of threesome you’re interested in.
1. Are you looking for a one-time experience or something more regular?
2. Would you like to include another person you know or someone who is completely new?
3. Where would this take place?
4. What kind of person would you be interested in?
5. Would everyone be comfortable with staying in touch with this third person afterwards?
By having a frank and open discussion with your partner, you can make sure everyone is on the same page and set boundaries before taking things any further. [Read: How to read the signs your friend wants to be your threesome unicorn buddy]
How to invite the third person into a threesome
Having a threesome is a big risk. If it doesn’t go well, it can put your relationship in jeopardy. And if your third is a friend, then there’s a friendship on the line as well.
But nothing that’s worth doing is easy, and no great reward comes without risk. Follow our advice and your ménage à trois experience will be an unforgettable one.
1. Setting boundaries
So you’ve agreed as a couple to try and bring a person in for a threesome. Before you even start looking for a candidate, you’ve got to set clear ground rules for what you want as a couple, and how much you’re comfortable with your partner doing with the third.
There is no right way to do this. Every couple will have their own preferences and their own lines that can’t be crossed. Women who are bisexual or bicurious often want to invite another woman in but aren’t always comfortable with her man touching the other lady. Or maybe sex with the other is okay but not kissing.
Couples who are bringing in a second man should be clear on whether or not they will be having a bisexual threesome, or if both gentlemen will be focused exclusively on the lady. Another consideration is whether or not she wants to feel dominated.
The typical porn scene where two men have sex with a woman is not what every woman is looking for. She might be, but you should know before if your girlfriend will want the double facial cumshot, or if she’s looking for something less degrading. [Read: How to set up your threesome boundaries]
2. A friend indeed
A threesome is quite intimate, so it’s natural for a lot of couples to turn to a friend when looking for a third.
Having someone you know you can trust is reassuring, but it can also be embarrassing to ask, and if things don’t go well, it can complicate or end the friendship. The best way to approach a friend about joining you in lovemaking is to do it slowly and with subtlety.
Alcohol is a great social lubricant, so if you all do drink, go out for a few, or better yet, invite them over for dinner and serve extra wine. Playing a game such as “never have I ever” or truth or date is a great way to get people to open up about themselves. [Read: 87 best truth or dare questions for a really wild and sexual night]
Having a small party and inviting a group of people makes it even less awkward. You might find out just from playing that the person you’re interested in inviting has already had threesomes. [Read: 10 naughty drinking games to set the mood]
Work towards asking your friend slowly. Drop hints, and if you feel like you’re making them uncomfortable, back off and preserve the friendship. But if you feel like they are receptive, then take the risk, and ask.
If you’re inviting a woman in, it may be easier for the woman in the relationship to do the asking privately. Same for inviting a man: let the male partner do the asking.
3. A direct approach
If you’re thinking of inviting someone you don’t know well to be your threesome third, you can be more direct. There is no friendship on the line, so the worst-case scenario is that they say no, and you move on. But you’ve got to be more careful bringing a stranger in.
People often imagine meeting their threesome match out at a bar or club, and while this isn’t out of the question, it’s not easy either. It will take a bit of luck.
Increase your odds by going to a swingers night, or at least a singles event. If you want a bisexual threesome, gay clubs are a great place to look, but it’s best if it’s a venue that men and women frequent.
And of course, there’s the internet. Avoid the sites where most people are looking for serious relationships. Sex sites might work, but there are so many creeps and weirdos, that it can be hard to meet someone who won’t freak you both out.
The best bet is a hookup app like Tinder, where many people are open to more casual arrangements. [Read: Tinder threesome – 18 tips to write a couple’s bio and meet the perfect third]
Whenever you meet someone online, take some time to get to know them. Make it clear what you’re looking for and make sure that they fit the bill. Verify they are who they say they are by video chatting before you meet, and when you finally do meet, set it up in a public place.
The search for your threesome third can seem daunting, but it can be fun, and the end result is worth it. [Read: How to find yourself a f*ck buddy]
4. Use a professional
This may sound desperate, but almost always, using a professional is always less complicated, way simpler and better. You can hire an escort to “accompany” you both on a night out. Of course, when you use a professional, they will usually follow all your boundaries and expectations, and won’t get carried away in the heat of the moment.
As long as you’re having safe sex in every way, or if you’d prefer a third person to indulge in foreplay but not have actual penetrative sex, this is a great way to ask someone to join you for a threesome. [Read: Male sexual fantasies and the top 16 dirty desires every man has in mind]
5. Sex vacations
If you choose to head out to a party destination for a vacation, chances are, you will end up meeting several partygoers who are looking for a vacation fling, just like you.
Of course, you don’t have to go to a swingers resort to give this a try.
Instead, you could head to wild party vacation spots like the ones in Europe *several of them where even prostitution is legal* or South East Asia.
Even if you don’t hook up with a tourist looking for a casual fling, you always have the option of meeting a “friendly” local at a bar or in a red-light district to have a wild threesome with. *again, never ever ignore protection!* [Read: The top 17 female fantasies that arouse almost all women]
6. Start slowly
Even when you think you’ve met someone, you don’t have to just dive right into three-way sex. Taking a slower approach means being able to back out anytime if anyone isn’t feeling comfortable.
A threesome with a reluctant partner will not be a good experience for anyone. Only when everyone’s on board will it be the amazing time it should be.
The first step can just be talking about sex. Tell the potential third about your sex life, and about what turns both of you on. This can be in person or online. Take photos or videos of yourselves having sex and show them. Only do this in person, on your own phone or tablet. Don’t share any nudes digitally no matter what.
If talking about sex and showing them your moves are getting everyone hot and interested, but you still don’t know if you’re ready for it, invite them to watch.
From a distance, say a chair in the corner, let them watch you make love together. This can be really hot in and of itself, and if it’s not awkward, then you’re ready for the real thing. Plus, they can join in anytime when everyone’s okay with it.
7. Threesome fun for everyone
Just like you need to set boundaries between you and your partner, it’s important that your third person knows these too.
Take the time before you start to tell them exactly what you both want, and what you don’t want. The only way it can work is if everyone is enjoying themselves, and nobody feels uncomfortable.
Once that happens, congratulations, you’ve found threesome bliss! [Read: The basic rules of having the perfect threesome]
General tips for a great threesome when you ask someone to join you two
Now that you know how to ask someone for a threesome, you need to know some general tips you can follow to make the sexual experience very pleasurable for all three of you.
1. Why do you want to have a threesome?
Before you start planning all the details of the threesome, you should first ask yourself what your motivation is.
Why do you want to do it? Do you want to be dominated? Or maybe you’re looking to explore a different side of your sexuality. Are you single? If you’re a couple, do you feel pressured by your partner to have a threesome? These are important questions to consider before you get into it.
2. Decide on what type of threesome you want
This is the first step you need to accomplish before you ask someone to have a threesome with you.
There are five potential scenarios: Male-Male-Female, Male-Male-Male, Female-Female-Male, Female-Female-Female, and Gender Fluid Threesome.
